A Non Apology is a statement in the form of an apology, but without contrition or acknowledgement of wrongdoing. A non apology is something that often happens a lot but without people realizing. This can also be known as a fake apology.
How an apology is phrased says a lot about whether it is a sincere apology or not. Here are some examples of fake apologies:
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm sorry if/but.
I'm sorry, but there are two sides to this story.
I'm sorry. Are you happy now? Can you just forget it?
I was just..
I'm sorry you feel that way..
This may seem like an actual apology, but it's not. The blame gets brought back onto you. “I'm sorry YOU feel that way” they aren't sorry that you are feeling a certain way, they are sorry that your feelings are causing the problems. This is a phrase that is used to gaslight people. Just remember that literally NOBODY can control the way they feel about a certain situation.
I'm sorry if/but..
When this is said, it almost feels completely invalidating. If you are apologizing to someone you want to sound sincere and confident, this is the opposite of that. Saying if or but after I'm sorry is just a way to make up an excuse to bring that blame back to the other person.
I'm sorry, but there are two sides to the story.
This is another example of how an apology can get thrown right back to the receiver. Instead of owning up to your actions, you are bringing the blame back to the other person. It is a good way to show that no sides of the story are correct. Basically giving off the vibe of “If i'm not winning, neither will you,”
I'm sorry. Are you happy now? Can you just forget it?
This is one of the most invalidating apologies that a person can receive. This is the exact opposite of a good apology. Everything is wrong with this; the tone, the blame, the words, literally everything. Normally when people are apologizing like this it is because they are angry and don't want to be called out.
I was just..
This can be a good and bad apology. It is a good way to show what your intentions were, if they were good intentions in the beginning. But oftentimes this is an apology that people use when they say something wrong or hurtful to another person and don't want them to be mad. Almost 99% of the time they are not actually sorry though.
When you are apologizing to someone it is important to be confident and respectful. Do not say something that you do not mean, and do not say something that you will most likely regret later. Real, good, true apologies are important to heal relationships. It shows that you are taking responsibility for your actions and acknowledging something that went wrong.
My biggest lesson I learned when I was a kid was to treat others as I would want others to treat me. And if someone I loved hurt me, I would want them to truly apologize and not be fake. Just remember that it is important to treat others with kindness, and to take responsibility in your relationships.
Do not be afraid to apologize when it is necessary.
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